mental health running who am I

I get knocked down, but I get up again

Sunday, 28 January 2018
London running

So yesterday as I was slowly running along the streets of Putney, out of nowhere from a doorway in between buildings BOLTS a guy at full speed and slams into me hard.

I go flying backwards onto the pavement. My knee is bleeding and my favourite Aussie leggings are ripped. I can’t stand up because other than my knee I’m not hurt but I’m in shock. I cry and try to slow down my breathing so I don’t start to hyperventilate. Getting body slammed out of the blue is not a nice experience. Now I know.

While I’m trying to catch my breath and stop crying, the guy says “Oh, I’m sorry. Are you alright? I have soooo been thinking something like this is going to happen here one day.”

I can’t quite reply more than to mumble that I’m just in shock and after a while he stops waiting for me to talk and he says…

wait for it…

 

 

 

 

 

He says: “Well, you hurt me too.”

AND THAT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW NOT TO APOLOGISE.

I hurt him too?!? I just looked at him puzzled, still unable to talk. HE was the one that ran onto the main road without looking and at full speed. HE was still standing, with his finger on his Garmin ‘go’ button the whole time, by the way, while I was down on the ground. I know that accidents happen, but fucking hell – I hurt him too?!?

Ugh. He then ran off and said I can find him on Strava.

The fuck?

It took me a couple of kilometres to stop crying.

There are so many things in my life that I feel like are MY fault, despite of what my therapist tells me. I still haven’t fully learned not to blame myself for pretty much everything. For the fact that I don’t get along with my mother that well right now. Or that my kids squabble at times. Or that my husband is grumpy at times. Or that I’m depressed and anxious. Or that some friends never get in touch anymore.

If only I were different, if only I behaved different, if only I were a better person… Ugh.

It’s probably not true. It’s probably not all my fault but…

… but then comes this totally random person, bodyslams me to the ground and tells me it is my fault. I hurt him.

It is so not what I needed right now.

But fuck it, I went and ran again today because *I get knocked down, but I get up again. You are never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down…*

Story of my life.

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  • Angeline Thursday, 1 February 2018 at 20:50

    He was a dick. That’s the only
    explanation because what person in their right mind does that?

    Ps. You’re a very strong lady who I’ve admired for years x

    • Lina • Mind over Matter Wednesday, 21 February 2018 at 10:17

      Thank you :) I never did look for him on Strava ;)

  • Noel Tuesday, 30 January 2018 at 07:03

    It’s not your fault. Stay strong Liina.

    • Lina • Mind over Matter Wednesday, 21 February 2018 at 10:17

      Good to hear from you :)