daily life mental health who am I

In which I lament a bureaucratic blunder and try to see silver linings

Friday, 19 January 2018

Due to a bureaucratic blunder first committed by me in 2015 and from which I apparently learned no lesson, I am having to work full time this month.  This means that I do not have Wednesdays off during this most awful of months. This means I do not have my mid-week running/taking the kids to school/blogging/napping/food shopping/cooking day. This means it’s Friday and the fridge is emptier than it was last July when the kids were away at grandma’s and the remaining adults in the house subsisted on coffee and take-away Chicken Shop & Dirty Burger.

I have been feeling sorry for myself about this current situation for a while (since Monday!) but everyone and their self-help books tells you to look on the bright side of every debacle so I’m going to list what’s currently good and bad in my life. With the exception of details about my sex life. It’s not that kind of a blog.

The bad:

  • I have to commute and work 5 days a week
  • No Wednesday running/recuperating/mental health day
  • The weather is not only dark but has been also windy as F
  • I cannot sleep at night due to roof being torn apart and shed being relocated to the neighbours garden each night (see above re weather)
  • I’ve told my Crossfit coaches that I’m leaving the gym in March;  the last weeks with my crew are HARD, I’m teary almost every time I’m there (I don’t show it though, I’m from ex-Soviet Union)
  • My mother who is amazing with little kids is not so amazing with pre-teens and I keep getting long and lamenting What’s App messages from my kids during the day (after school hours)
  • I do not know if I’ll have a job next year
  • I’m getting fat*
  • My fingernails are disappearing by the second
  • I now get cramps not only when I have my period but also when I’m ovulating
  • I’m feeling really slow at Crossfit and my times are reflecting that
  • Didn’t get to see our Aussie friends and family this Christmas
  • Big kid had exams all last week and I think I came though it with minimal stress but my panic dreams were not all the same as they always are, they had various different themes!
The good:

  • I have extra £600 in my bank account
  • I can still go to Crossfit or run during lunchtimes from work
  • When I left for work this morning, I wasn’t completely dark anymore!
  • My kids sleep through the night, my cat sleeps through the night (or is stuck outside), my husband doesn’t snore, my neighbours don’t listen to 80’s American Anthems late into the night
  • A new Crossfit gym opened up a few months ago just a km from my house so I can still keep up my Crossfit habit once my currently live-in mother has moved out at the end of February and I have to do the school runs myself (kids are old enough to be left at home alone so I can exercise at night)
  • My mother is leaving in less than 2 months, a bit of distance will do us all good
  • I still for sure have a job this year
  • I’m probably not actually getting fat, I just do negative thinking very well in January*
  • I’ll probably stop picking on my fingernails one day, I don’t see any 70-year olds doing it
  • I have not reached menopause yet
  • I will have energy again, I know it, I just have to get through January on this current Bread & Bailey’s Diet and then it’s back to normal eating again
  • Tickets to Australia for next Christmas have been purchased
  • Next holiday is in 2 months and it’s to Majorca (yes, sun!)
  • Big kid did ok with exams

So there you have it. The bad and the good. I think if I look at the list from the right angle that the ‘good’ column is longer. hashtag TOTALLYWINNING

*The way we talk to ourselves is hugely important. If you focus on a particular negative thing about yourself, you will ONLY see that negative thing, you brain will be blind to all the good things. There is a way to unlearn and undo that pattern of thinking though. I’m listening to a podcast right now on this topic and will keep you posted, it’s all about your brain’s Reticular Activating System. This article explains it well what RAS is.

And let’s finish on a happy note: It’s Friday and the sun is shining (in London! in January!) and I’m going to see Kinky Boots tonight with a good friend :D

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