mental health who am I

What actually happened with my therapist

Wednesday, 1 November 2017
Not afraid

It’s been two weeks since I wrote “Getting dumped sucks“. After attempting to suffocate my feelings with probably an illegal quantity of bagels (note to self: doesn’t work) and popping Citalopram for a few days (note to self: does work but not as a quick fix), I finally heard from my therapist who was back in the country.

“Please ignore all the emails you have been getting. I will explain at our next session.”

And just like that the ever tightening spiral of my thoughts (I stole that one from Turtles All The Way Down) slowed down, way down…

My therapist had not dumped me.

The emails were somebody else’s administrative cock-up.

I am not broken beyond help. I will keep talking. I will evolve. I will evolve into a person who doesn’t bottle up feelings.  I will break the cycle that’s not been broken for generations. I will break it. I will do all I can to make sure my kids feel safe expressing their feelings and know that that does not make them weak. I will do all I can to make sure they will not believe the lie that real men don’t cry or talk about their feelings or that their ‘problems’ would burden those they are shared with. Lies I believed so long. Still believe, I guess, hence the therapy. Lies I believe(d) even though I’m not a man… because good girls don’t bother others with their problems either…

I’ve had two sessions since and it’s good. It’s the longest I’ve ever done therapy. I’m fascinated by how it works, by how she guides my thoughts. I’m fascinated by what my words are. I’m fascinated by how I’m really proud of myself right now.

Not afraid

I am not afraid

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6 Comments

  • Reply Archie Monday, 6 November 2017 at 19:43

    Good to know you’re coping up. Thanks for sharing these wonderful thoughts!

  • Reply Anna @AnnaTheApple Thursday, 2 November 2017 at 13:34

    Very pleased for you :)

  • Reply mäemamma Thursday, 2 November 2017 at 10:27

    This is excellent news! Good luck on that beautiful path.

  • Reply Jem Thursday, 2 November 2017 at 09:02

    Glad to hear it was all a cock-up – although boggles my mind that this could have happened. The consequences of this happening to someone teetering on the edge could have been catastrophic!

    • Reply MrsB Saturday, 4 November 2017 at 14:22

      Yes. That is scary to think about. I’m wondering if I should report the people involved to some higher body…

  • Reply Natalie Wednesday, 1 November 2017 at 17:21

    Love this update. Glad you’re finding what you seek.

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