I have a love-hate relationship with clocks. I like to be punctual but I hate that I’m always looking at a clock. Most of my life seems to be counting the minutes towards something that’s coming next.
In the mornings I look at the clock to make sure I get myself ready for work on time, that I get the kids’ packed lunches done on time, that they brush their teeth and get ready for school on time, that I leave the house on time.
On the tube I look at the clock to check that I’m arriving at work on time.
At work I have meetings, deadlines, tasks – I’m always looking at the clock, thinking ahead (counting down time until lunchtime Crossfit ;), planning ahead, morning, lunch, afternoon, time to go.
After work I look at the clock to make it to the train on time, to be at home on time, to get the kids fed and bathed and cuddled, and to bed on time.
In the evenings I look at the clock to make sure I get everything done around the house and get to bed at a reasonable time.
On weekends the situation is a little bit better but there are still activities we have to be at by a certain time, there are shops that open or close at a certain time, there are limits to the kids’ TV watching times that I need to keep track of…
I’m constantly looking at the darn clock. Thinking about the next thing, the next task, the next hour… continuously just ticking off on the next hour of my life.
Gone, done, check, one hour older, one hour gone…
I think that’s why I exercise as much as I do – running, Crossfit, swimming or yoga are something where I’m in the moment. I just go with the flow and the movement, I’m not doing anything from my to-do list, I’m not ticking off any boxes, I’m just putting one foot after another, or just doing one push-up after another, or just swimming one breath after another, or just stretching, one movement after another.
The busier my life is, the more I crave for these hours when I’m in physical motion and not thinking about anything beyond the current moment.
These hours are the only time I don’t feel like life is rushing me by. Time doesn’t matter. My mind is still.
When I move, life doesn’t feel like a rollercoaster that’s speeding along just a bit too fast to be comfortable.