This post was originally posted on my old blog in August 2012.
On previous summer holidays in Estonia I’ve always run in the woods, but this time I wanted to do longer distances and I hit the streets – running on the streets makes the kilometres fly by a lot faster.
In my mom’s little seaside town, there aren’t any other runners on the streets, so as I ran past the first “spectators” who checked me out from head to toe, I felt very awkward.
In London I never feel awkward running, there are loads of runners out all the time here and everyone knows that running is a sport and that people do it because they love it (even if they do think that you’re crazy for feeling that way). In Estonia, however, the general view is that you run because otherwise you’d be fat.
And on my first run there this summer I totally felt like that fat chick.
But then I looked a little closer at everyone I was passing and I thought – “Screw that, I do just love to run, I do love to race, I do love to FEEL fit, but the truth is that I also do do it because I don’t want to be fat!”
I have been cursed/blessed with a body that likes to store fat (too easily, right in my midriff where it’s most damaging to internal organs). I say ‘cursed’ because there have been days (months/years) when I’ve been just pissed off at my metabolism for not letting me eat cake every day. But then again I say ‘blessed’ because that body of mine has always required me to try to watch what I eat and to exercise. As a result I know that I’m healthier inside than I would be if I’d be a naturally slim and had no ‘need’ to exercise.
Of course I still have days when I’d kill for those slim upper arms and slender waist that one of my friends has, but then I remind myself that she has almost 10% more body fat than I do (officially measured :). I remind myself that being healthy inside is important and that in return I can keep that sausage body shape of mine under control (a slim sausage always looks better than a plump one, in my mind ;).
So what’s the point of all this? The point is that yes, I run because I love it, but I also run because I don’t want to be overweight.
I remember so well the awful feeling of not being able to bend over freely when you have a big belly (once upon a time I was 15kg heavier than now), and I live with my mother who has exactly the same body type and non-ability to moderate her carb/sugar intake… So I see exactly where my body wants to take me – from a simple waistless sausage to a big round apple :) and therefore I run, I run, I run and I always walk on the escalators and I don’t eat sugar and very limited carbs and I do push ups and sit ups… and I know that in the end my body will love me for it (it already is feeling pretty good to be in my skin) and I will not end up an apple but instead perhaps a nice slim pepperoni :)
“When I blame others, I give away my power. Therefore, to become more powerful, I must take responsibility of every aspect of my own life.”